Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
