Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
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