Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
