apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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