All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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