and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
