he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Randomize
