Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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