i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i drank out of a bidet.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
