gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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