you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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