Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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