i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
