im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
