i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
