I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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