That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
