Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
