How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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