when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
