I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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