It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Randomize
