just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
