We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
