look no pants
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
