dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
