why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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