yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
