My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
