why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
