Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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