The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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