The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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