Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
