I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
