sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
