is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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