Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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