she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
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