all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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