So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
