yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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