he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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