im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
