its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
