Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
