We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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