I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
