I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
my poor anus
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
