Where did you get a picture of my penis
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
